Ladies Wondering What You Would Do on a Solo Trip Should Start by Deciding This

Not Sure What to Do on a Solo Trip? Start by Deciding What You Don’t Want to Do

I’ve talked to so many women when speaking to groups who say, “I’d love to travel solo — but what would I even do on my own? Where would I go? Who would I be, just with me?”

That question is powerful — and common. Women often spend years (or decades!) caring for everyone else: spouse, children, work, aging parents, church, friends, neighbors. So when it comes to solo travel, the blank slate can feel overwhelming.

Here’s what I want you to know: you don’t have to start with what you’ll do. You can begin by asking, what do I not want to do? Uncovering the “don’t wants” helps you rule out, narrow in, and eventually gravitate toward what you will do — and it sets you free from comparison, decision paralysis, and fear of “wasting time.”

Why women freeze when they think about solo travel

• So many roles, so many voices — your mind is flooded regularly with what you “should” do: chores, obligations, expectations.
• Perfection paralysis — you expect to craft the “perfect trip” immediately, so you get stuck trying to live up to that.
• Fear of boredom or empty time — you assume solo = downtime that you'll wonder how to fill since you're used to your time being picking up after others, folding laundry, doing dishes, running out for groceries, and meal prepping amongst other tasks.
• Comparison & envy — you watch others traveling and feel pressure to mirror them, rather than honor your own path.

But none of that has to control your first (or next) solo vacation.

The truth: you don’t need to know all the answers right now. You just need to start with what you do know — like what you don’t want. From that, direction begins to emerge.

Step 1: Ask “What Do I Not Want to Do?”

Start with a list of things you’d rather skip (here's examples to jump-start your thinking):

• I don’t want to spend time in crowded, overpriced souvenir markets
• I don’t want to ride on the golf cart while my husband/partner is golfing
• I don’t want to constantly be “on” for other people
• I don’t want to follow a rigid itinerary or be rushed
• I don’t want to worry about fitness routines or forced “wellness content”
• I don’t want long drives every day

Once you name those “no’s,” you’ve already filtered out entire swaths of possibilities.

For instance:

• If you hate shopping, you won’t choose a fashion/retail‑centric city trip
• If you don’t like rigid schedules, you’ll skip highly structured long group tours
• If you don’t want to drive or be stuck in the car a long time, you’ll aim for a walkable location with many options within a close distance

These “don’t wants” become your guideposts.

Step 2: Use What You Do Want (Even If It’s Small)

Now, look for the small flickers of “yes” (ask yourself these questions):

• Do I want peace, nature, quiet retreats?
• Do I enjoy learning, museums, creative workshops?
• Do I love food, local markets, food tours?
• Do I need gentle movement — walking, yoga, biking?
• Do I yearn for time to read, journal, sketch, rest?
• Do I like connection — meeting people, new friends, small group experiences?

Those seeds, however modest, can grow into an itinerary. You begin layering in experiences based on what feels right.

Even better: you don’t need to plan every day. Leave room for spontaneity. Your “don’t wants” keep you grounded; your flickers of “yes” create the outline.

Step 3: Build a “Filter Map” — Eliminate to Reveal

Create a simple 2‑column “Don’t / Do” map:

Don’t Want/Flicker Want

Big cities with heavy crowds

Small towns or scenic escapes

Shopping districts

Local food, markets, cooking classes

Driving long hours

Walkable or transit rich places

Strict schedule

Free days or soft structure

Solo time + optional meetups

Use this map to rule out places and narrow in on likely fits.

For example:
If you hate big cities, you might drop NYC or Los Angeles as options in your first pass, and instead consider coastal towns, nature escapes, or lesser-known cultural spots.
If you dislike forced tourism, you might pick a destination that doesn't feel so much like a tourist trap. You likely won't enjoy blocks of shops with t-shirts, shot glasses, etc.

Step 4: Embrace the “What If I Don’t Know?” Mindset

One thing I tell women over and over: you don’t have to decide the whole journey before you go. Start with curiosity, not certainty.

• Consider mini gets — a long weekend like a 3‑ or 4‑day escape to a nearby town
• Try a retreat or a women’s wellness weekend where you go solo but join into a group for much of your schedule so you don't have to decide or plan a lot
• Pick a city or region with several options, then let your daily mood guide you (I personally LOVE this option, and use it often!)
• Be open to changing your plan mid‑trip (it’s your trip)

Your first solo trip doesn’t have to be your perfect trip. It just has to be a start — a “test drive” of freedom, discovery, and inner listening.

Step 5: Example Scenarios (From “Don’ts” to Destination)

Here are a few imaginary examples to illustrate how this works:

Don’t want shopping, don’t want noisy nightlife → flicker want: local food, nature walks → possible solo escape: Asheville, NC or Santa Fe, NM

Don’t want long travel days, don’t want heavy logistics → flicker want: cozy, small town with charm → choosing somewhere close will eliminate those long travel days/possible flight delays or cancellations

Don’t want forced touring, don’t want group rigidity → flicker want: flexible experience with options → possible: spa retreat with optional classes or nature walks that you can join into if you want depending on how you feel that day

Don’t want heavy sightseeing, don’t want overpacked schedule → flicker want: slow travel, time to journal, read, wander → here I would suggest you spend more on your accommodations as you'll likely spend more time there. I stayed in Hermann, MO at a place with a great outdoor sitting area including a fire pit, outdoor hot tub, and indoor tub along with a shower with steam and multiple jets. It also had a living room, and kitchen with microwave to warm up at breakfast the fancy drink I picked up at the coffee shop the day before. It was a wonderful place to linger!

You see how the “don’t wants” carve away the noise, and the flickers help the right shape emerge.

How to Use This Post in Your Own Planning

1. Set aside 30 minutes with a notebook
2. List at least 5 “don’t wants” (things your ideal first solo trip should avoid) Remember this is your trip. You don't have to impress others with what you do, or don't do. This is about what you feel you need and want at this time. You can take a different solo trip later, as I constantly mix up my solo vacations! 
3. List 3 small “yes flickers” - I often want to get to a play, concert, or comedy/dinner show that I'd have to try to "talk others into"
4. Map destinations to see how far away they are as you consider options
5. Pick one mini‑escape (even just 2 to 4 days)
6. Travel light in your planning — don't book every single minute so you leave space for discovery

And one more thing: be kind to yourself. You may not discover your perfect place on your first trip — and that’s okay. The point is growth, trust, and joy in the doing.

Bottom line: You don’t have to know exactly where to go or what to do. You only need to know what you don’t want —and your own intuition will lead you to something that is right. Use that gentle filter, lean into curiosity, and give yourself permission to figure it out as you go.

Whenever you feel stuck, I’m here—for coaching, brainstorming, and cheering you on. So many voices try to tell you you can't or shouldn't take a solo trip, and it's because they person saying you can't isn't able to solo travel due to their obligations. I am a voice of pure support and encouragement, and that's why so many women invest in a private coaching session with me. They realize getting on the right track to make the most of their upcoming solo vacations is well worth it.

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